Think blank thoughts

Some nights, I wish I had an “off” switch for my brain. Tonight is one such night considering I started “writing” this post in my head, while I was already tucked under my comfy duvet. Not cool, brain…not cool.

While my husband saws logs, I generate content. When I’m changing diapers, I’m thinking about my next Tweet. When I’m making lunches, I have a Facebook post ready to rock. Yes, it’s becoming an obsession. I wasn’t always this nuts. No, not nearly. I can remember a simpler time when I could write for pleasure and not over-analyse every nuance and analogy, and when I most certainly did not automatically think in hashtag format (#scary).

I wish I could say that my writing is altruistic, but it’s not 100% writing for writing’s sake. My need to write has been driven to new, dizzying heights by panic. I am petrified that my new business is going to be an epic failure unless I pull out all the stops and promote, promote, promote. I am doing everything I can to spread the word about what I think is a no-brainer, fantastic idea. And yet it feels like I’m talking to myself…and I’m starting to annoy myself.

And here lies the most frustrating piece of it all, and probably what fuels my need to keep writing – for the amount of content I’m generating, I’m not seeing an equitable amount of traffic – to the site, to my Twitter feed, to my FB page. Singularly, it is the most helpless that I’ve ever felt. I can’t make people go to the site, read, like, share, follow or retweet my posts…I can simply write and hope that someone, somewhere will take an interest. So, for lack of anything else that I can control, I pick up my pen/laptop/tablet/smartphone…and I write my heart out.

I’m guessing this period of time will likely be one of the best for learning and growing a really thick skin, which I’ve heard is necessary for owning your own business. I’m really hoping that I’ll be able to look back at this post in 6, 12 or even 18 months, smile and say to myself, “those sleepless, anxiety-filled nights were well worth it.” And, maybe, by then I will be able to lay my head down to rest without composing hooks for articles or hashtagging anything that comes to mind. #agirlcandream #goodnight

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