Questions

How do I let go
When we haven’t?
How do I know
When will I need to stop
If your lights are always on?
What should I do
When we
Can’t?

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Comments

  1. zerocattle says:

    A friend wrote in a letter that my empathy was a block to people being able to empathize with me. I don’t think he meant to say that I use it to keep people out, but that’s what I took from it, that I use it as a protective strategy.

    When I read “When will I need to stop // If your lights are always on?”, that reminded me of his comment and my interpretation.

    I don’t want to be a burden or for people to have to adapt to my preferences. I have no problem adapting to others, or helping them, but for some reason I struggle with letting people know where my boundaries are, what is too much, what I need.

    • I’m so interested in your interpretation because it’s something I struggle with, too. Is it about being an easy ear for people? Or having a high EQ? I find that I am more open and boundary-blurring with some people than others. And, with some people, I feel like I need to be everything to them when they don’t need to (shouldn’t) be so high on my emotional priority list. As always, I appreciate your thoughts 🙂

      Roshan

      • zerocattle says:

        It’s a challenge to put yourself first (or near first) as a woman. I think it’s essential, but I haven’t quite sorted out how to not feel guilty for having needs and not running myself ragged. I am slowly learning to stop when people aren’t meeting me where I need them to be.

        Part seems to be giving them the opportunity to make the effort, to reach out (instead of me always anticipating their need). Everyone wants to feel that their presence is valued/needed, and I seem to be saying (though it’s not anywhere near the truth) that I don’t need anyone.

        Perhaps that’s where the protection part comes in — if I don’t give anyone the chance, no one will disappoint me by not making the effort.

      • “If I don’t give anyone the chance, no one will disappoint me by not making the effort.” – this summarizes things so nicely, Suzanne….at least, as far as my own issues are concerned. I think this is part of the reason why I throw up walls and try to maintain a position of control in my relationships. I’m still thinking through all of this and trying to figure it out….so no answers, just more thinking to do 🙂

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